Well… Being completely honest? I give thanks for:
Whenever. Wherever. However much I can get.
My unicorn blood for when I haven’t gotten much of the one above.
The good stuff. No tarantula juice for me.
Preferably the drool-inducing kind that doesn’t upset any part of my digestive system.
A great dump is one of the most unsung pleasures of life.
Especially ones that threaten the dryness of one’s underwear.
Whether they’re mine or not, they’re just flippin’ great.
In any form, for any of the senses, made by mankind or by nature.
And all the comfort and entertainment it brings. (My earbuds are part of my anatomy for God’s sake.)
However much of it I can achieve, in every way possible. Failing really sucks.
Not having cancer
Or any other major health problem, really. [Knocks on wood with a baseball bat]
Because light is the only effective weapon against darkness. And darkness fucking blows.
Not you, specifically. But you and all of the visitors of this online experience we call HowToBeADad.com. Thank you.
Of course I obviously give thanks for my family and friends and the good people of the world (to the degree that they are good). I just wanted to highlight some of the everyday things that often get taken for granted and rarely get mentioned around a steaming turkey.