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Parenterms: “Calculatte”



We’ve all done that late-night math to figure out how much sleep we’d get if we fell asleep right that second.

Sadly for parents, this assumes you’ll sleep through until your alarm goes off. Hahahahahah! Ugh. It’s hard to figure out the sleep you’ll get when you have a living alarm clock with no snooze button that constantly and erratically goes off, demanding food, diaper changes and cuddles.

So, when your night is filled with more wakefulness than sleep, it’s time to calculatte, and figure out how much coffee (or caffeinated beverage of your preference) you’ll have to chug the next day to remain awake. Or appear somewhat alive.

Your baby starts wailing at 3:30am goes off, and you mentally add a couple of cups to the result of your equation as you soothe the little squealing air raid alarm.

Your nightmare-panicked kid kicks you in the head as he comes into bed, and in your (now sore) head you switch from coffee to espresso and re-calculatte accordingly.

Kids are fantastic in so many ways. Unfortunately, one of those ways happens to be devastating a parent’s sleep.


Follow HowToBeADad on Facebook. Lots of made up words there, too! Mostly typos, though.

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I wish these words didn’t need to exist, but apparently they do.

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