There’s a real hatred against the idea of want lately. How dare you and you shouldn’t. Ever. Want. Want is bad. Greed is not good. You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit.
I’m throwing a fit.
There’s a very real push for gratitude even while we actively pretend want is not present. Gratitude is the 2nd cousin of want. Once removed.
It’s OK if you get something you want… but only IF you immediately call it gratitude.
I got this boat. Dude, I’m extremely grateful.
Well, no shit.
It’s easy to be thankful for a fucking boat.
It’s not so easy to be #grateful for cancer or autism or #blessed when your family member is strung out on #cocaine.
It’s easy to be grateful for my four kids with 40 toes and the expectation they will someday move out.
I am. But, I don’t think I did anything special and it doesn’t make me any MORE special if I pretend I didn’t want them to move out.
Because I do.
You do too.
If you say they should be little forever, does this mean you love yours more?
Even if I hated parenting on Tuesday, maybe I still deserve my own bathroom on Wednesday. Maybe I even one day deserve to go to Paris even though I once wished my kids were so quiet I forgot I had them.
Sometimes, I’m not grateful or full of grace. I am angry and short-tempered and not. fucking. worthy.
Still, every one of my kids has 10 toes.
We all deserve nice things.
But we make good things our crutch. We’re not allowed to expect things to work out. Or 10 toes. Or happy endings.
And we’re forced into subdued perspective. Instead of blinding gratitude. Perspective is fed by guilt and gratitude is fed by “the real thing”. Good things happen even and especially while we’re flawed.
Gratitude despite #beinghuman.
I’m not worthy. But still, 4 x 10 toes. I’m convinced I don’t deserve it.
But, I do. You do too. We’re built for complexity.
We’re inherently #grateful.