If you’re looking for one reason to not hate the internet today, Tree Man delivers.
Gather ’round, kittens, and listen to the tale of “Tree Man.” While he is a mere mortal, he is also taller than your family’s Christmas tree and is built like if The Rock and Superman combined bodies. He is Danny Jones, an online fitness instructor, and he is breaking the internet today. (Well, him and covfefe.)
Tree Man is indeed the physical embodiment of the Lumbersexual Movement. I mean, the Paul Bunyan stature alone is just incredible. And look, it’s not like we’re objectifying him because don’t act like you’ve never shamelessly ogled a beautiful sequoia before. Yep, that’s it. He’s like a one-man forest, and we’re all getting one with nature over here.
See? Just appreciating the great outdoors, nothing to see here.
Twitter user @vickto_willy shared a couple of photos of Danny earlier this week, and things escalated quickly.
This not a man, this a tree. pic.twitter.com/0rU95oBbxh
— la loba (@vickto_willy) May 29, 2017
While many replies from Tree Man’s new fan club were of a, uh, sensitive nature, there were plenty of tweets that will make you say “this is me.”
— Toni Romiti (@toniromiti) May 31, 2017
Truly, Mary Catherine Gallagher is all of us. Evergreen GIF usage FTW.
Oh my… I would climb that and live on it forever pic.twitter.com/HNvwKroTkZ
— Steven Price (@SJamesPrice) May 30, 2017
If the Discovery Channel can’t turn that tweet into some sort of survival show reality, can they at least get Tree Man to host one?
My ovaries hurt and I don't even have any pic.twitter.com/M41lKDRUaw
— Fabian (@304STUNNAH) May 30, 2017
Let’s not forget that ladies aren’t the only ones transfixed by all that is Tree Man.
Watch how fast I can climb … pic.twitter.com/5PMbAs2jQ1
— girthfan (@girthfan) May 30, 2017
I mean, how can you not get on board with this viral sensation?
Sweet Jesus. Someone fetch me the smelling salts.
He is the literal size of a doorway.
He is taller than your average refrigerator.
You know what’s so weird? When most men take shirtless selfies, it’s all we can do to stifle our groans and eye rolls (weirdo guys from high school Facebook, I’m talking to you). But when Tree Man shares a shirtless selfie?
It’s not that bothersome. Hmm.